Archive for the ‘children’ Tag

If you don’t have a plan…how would you know what you should have been?   16 comments

image

I am famous for the five year plan that runs into a huge snag about five minutes after its conception. In truth, I am not much of planner at all. I consider myself more of a proactive reactor, which basically means that I lightly pencil things in and when that doesn’t happen, I just bounce. It’s been working so far and as I always say if it ain’t broke ….it ain’t mine.

So where am I going with this?

Recently, I was listening/eavesdropping to a conversation between two moms at the mall. One of the ladies was talking about her son who is twenty-two and will be graduating from university next year. She said he had a very firm plan for the next ten years. He would get a job, buy a house, get married and have at least two children by the time he turned thirty. She said all this with great pride and without even the tiniest bit of hesitation.

I thought of my own life and could not help but wonder if a life could actually be lived with such efficiency?

Not my life obviously.

You see, at twenty-two I had a plan too. Not quite that structured but I definitely had a few core ideas that I was going to run with. First off, I was never going to get married or have any kids. I was going to be a journalist and travel the world. I was going to be fluent in at least three languages and live with two cats. My life would never be boring, and I would be the envy of all….other cat ladies.

So let’s reflect on how that plan fleshed out.

I am married with four children. I do remember telling my husband I wanted four cats, which is usually man repellant, but we were in a loud bar at the time, so I guess he misheard me and thought I said kids? I speak one language and can swear in three others. I have never traveled the world but I have Google Earth so that’s sort of the same. I never wrote a big story but I can write a heck of a grocery list. I live with one cat and three cat/dogs. My life is definitely not boring so I guess that worked out but as for being the envy of all, I think I would say, that I am more of a cautionary tale.

So was there a defining moment where my life plan took a u turn and ended up in opposite land? Probably. Does it matter? Probably not.

You see, the one thing I can always plan on, is that any plan I make usually ends up resembling a Picasso painting version of the original idea. That’s okay though, as I have never been a destination kind of a girl. I am all about the detours and roadblocks and I firmly believe that any life worth living should always be under construction or deconstruction depending on the day…which sort of explains a few of my other posts.

Advertisements

Posted October 15, 2014 by janyceresh in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?   16 comments

 

Have you ever opened your mouth and had words spill out that made you literally pause and question does that really require speech?

I can say with complete honesty that with the exception of the one day last spring when I got laryngitis I say things like that every day. The kind of things that for all intents and purposes should never require thought let alone conversation. I have often fantasized that I descended from royalty but never imagined living a life that required me to be queen of the obvious.

Put your hand up if you think this rant has something to do with my kids. Ok put your hand down. People are staring.

This is my reality. I feel as though I am constantly being punked by small people so much so, that I have been known to check for cameras and tiny microphones in and around my home. Ok maybe I’m being paranoid but there are days that I live,that would make for a great “How Not To ( fill in the blank) “video.

So let me paint you a picture of a day in the life. It’s a perfect summer day. The sun is shining and the smell of fresh cut grass means someone has found the lawn mower and probably some other stuff we keep hidden underneath the grass between mowings. I have just arrived home to hear the pleasant sounds of children’s laughter emanating from our backyard. I am drawn toward their revelry and joy because my day has been chaotic and stressful.

So I throw down my briefcase and kick off my shoes and find my way to back door to join in the fun. But as I approach the yard I see something that makes no sense. It’s one of those moments where your eye and brain appear to pulling a fast one on you…aka a mirage moment.

There in the middle of our yard is our trampoline with 2 children playing on it……and 2 children playing “in” it. Yes, I did say in it.

You see one of my little boys thought it would be fun to slice a hole in the trampoline ….and?….well I think that’s where his idea lost a little momentum because upon interrogating ( I mean questioning of course…) him he was unable to explain the logic of it all.

I found myself saying things that started with and ended with ” I have no words” and for a writer who can rant about just about anything that is saying something.

And then I said “but why would you cut a hole in the trampoline?” so many times that I actually considered making it my new meditation mantra.

There have been many times before and since that incident that I have stopped myself in mid sentence and thought ” did I really just say that out loud? Did something just occur in my life that required me to put those particular words together and form that sentence? Where did the logic go and can it be located on a map so that I might go and live there once again?

I used to have a life where common sense was well common. And then a miracle happened well 4 to be exact. My wonderful children. They are my reason for living and sometimes the reason for a quick trip to the pharmacy to pick up my meds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Am Not Invisible….Am I?   28 comments

 

My life is loud. I have one husband, 4 children, 3 dogs, and a cat. We also have two fish named Ethel and Fred and an algae eater named Oscar but they are generally pretty quiet. Most days my house literally vibrates from dawn until around 10pm. It is probably still loud after 10 o’ clock, however, I am usually sound asleep by then and would probably sleep through a zombie apocalypse.

Our kids range in age from 10 to 18 years and they have been making noise since about 5 minutes after conception. Our only daughter is the eldest and then we have 3 boys. I don’t know what she did in a past life to deserve them sometimes, but if I had to guess, I would say either she was a slum lord or a very unscrupulous used car salesperson. A little lesson for you…. Karma is apparently forever and quite unforgiving. But I digress.

Being part of a fairly large family, by today’s standards, it is sometimes challenging to control the volume of our existence. To be honest I’m not entirely sure we would even be capable of locating our mute button. Much like unicorns and ogopogos the entire concept of indoor voices and silence seems almost mythical.

So between dogs barking, music blaring, unwatched televisions blasting endless laugh tracks, my husbands air compressor ( which will inexplicably turn itself on for no apparent reason…usually between 2am and 4 am) my sons screaming at their xbox and my yelling for everyone to turn it all down. We are the very definition of a life lived on full blast and in stereo.

I blame myself. Why wouldn’t I? I set the tone. Unfortunately the tone is set at ten. My excuse is simple. My family is incapable of hearing the sound of my voice. I am essentially white noise, elevator music, a sad pantomime in the middle of a dark theater. My regular voice, that ironically is quite audible to those to whom I am not related, to my children, is completely ineffectual.

Now I should qualify that. If I was to say ” who wants their allowance?” In a voice so low that it would barely register to the human ear they will magically appear at my side before I even have time to complete my next thought. However if I was to say “whose turn is it to take out the garbage?” In my regular voice to 4 children within 3 feet of my person, I will generally receive the blank looks usually reserved for those speaking to them in a foreign language.

So how do I respond? Simple. I raise the level of my voice…not right away of course. I try and practice self control. After all we do have neighbours. But there is that limit, that line in the sand that once it has been breached there is no going back. So after I feel there has been a reasonable period of time (usually 1-2 minutes) between request and response and I have received nothing. I feel compelled on an almost cellular level to raise the decibel of my voice to its maximum vocal capacity. This is more commonly known as a yell or a scream depending on the seriousness of the situation.

Am I proud of this? Of course not. Do I live in a constant shame spiral of parenting despair? Sure I do. Do I anticipate Dr. Phil’s producers to approach me to come on his show to stage an intervention. Every single day. Is my voice sometimes so hoarse I talk like I have a 2 pack a day smoking habit? Yes. But what is the solution?

I LIVE A LIFE THAT REQUIRES ALL CAPS COMMUNICATION.

I know in my heart of hearts I am not the only parent in the known universe that fails to censure themselves in the heat of the moment. I have heard the quiet whispers at mommy and me classes that speak of stories similar to mine. I’ve been to Walmart and I’ve dined at McDonald’s. I’ve seen and bared witness to parents whose children have exposed their last nerve and laughed gleefully while doing so. I’m not saying children are bad I’m just saying they seem to casually push our buttons like they are playing with Wii remotes.

So if you are a parent that has experienced the pain and disillusionment that comes from years and years of unrequited validation. I, for one, would like to take this opportunity to validate you. I heard you. I understand. I know you said it in your Barney voice 17 times before you lost your mind and screamed it out in a voice usually reserved for air craft carrier landing strips. I can appreciate how soul sucking it can be to live in a house where unless you are handing out food or money you are about as noticed as a ghost. I get it and I am on your side.

Now I am sure there are psychologists who can present me a litany of useful tools that can equip me with more positive coping strategies. I know these will emphasize the importance of patience and positive reinforcement when dealing with children who are listening challenged. I understand all this. I’ve read the books and I am familiar with Oprah. It’s just that in my house if you aren’t living out loud in techno colour crazy you may get mistaken for a potted plant that never gets watered because some kid says and I quote ” I never heard you ask me to do that.”

 

Posted December 27, 2013 by janyceresh in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , ,

Let’s Do This Thing…..For Now   Leave a comment

Image

Okay so some of you….and you know who you are ….have been encouraging…although sometime it felt like nagging me ( with love) …to start a blog…
 
Side bar: you would not believe how long it just took me to insert a word using this format…holy$&@? Batman…if I had that kind of time to waste I’d start writing a blog…wait a minute…
 
Anyway I have made the decision to start.
 
I am a great starter of things …not big on finishing things.  So we will see how far I take this.  I’m not saying I give up I just move on….I have a tendency to chase shiny objects and quite frankly I have the attention span of an embryo..that being said I am fully committed ….for now….to bring you as much sarcastic ranting as I possible until I get bored and move on or you get bored and leave me…but don’t leave me because I have extreme abandonment issues as well. We might touch on that later so stay tuned..
 
I will be reposting some of my facebook rants here because along with my raging ADD and abandoment issues I also have a tendency to be a bit lazy…. 
 
Sidebar: this isn’t much of a rant so far as it is a rather sad bit of insight in to my shortcomings…that could really be a blog in and of itself.  
 
So there you have it kids….you have just read the first post.  Was it earth shattering…probably not….was it informative…I think so….after all it is quite possible some of you were unaware of my multiple psychosis and now you know.  Your welcome.
 
Happy to have you aboard…..
 
 

Posted September 10, 2013 by janyceresh in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Lab Report

Fake pet news. Follow us on Twitter @hellolabreport

Tea first, panic later.

One girl's story of fighting mental illness in the big city