Archive for January 2016

I’m not….so maybe you’re not too?   2 comments

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I’ m not a lot of things. In fact, the laundry lists of things that I am not, is quite impressive if I do say so myself. For example I am not a man nor am I pigeon or a particularly skilled athlete. The latter can be attested to by anyone who has ever watched me participate in any activity that requires both my brain and my body to coordinate in any meaningful way.

 

I once dislocated my knee in the 30 seconds it took me to stand up and walk over to the dance floor. True story. Luckily the fellow with whom I had attempted to dance with was able to quickly slam it back into place. He had that skill set. So while I always knew that I shouldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time without a supervising medic, I know have to live with the painful knowledge that just plain walking is not something that I am gifted at.

 

So I’m not coordinated. I own that. I’m fine with it and if I find myself in situations that require me to perform acts that could cause me bodily harm I wear a helmet and make sure my health insurance is current. I like being prepared. That’s my skill set.

Now if I can accept what it is that I am ‘not’ why can’t more people embrace and accept the limits of their own realities?

So what’s lit the fire in my belly that has lead to yet another one of my epic over shares?

Well the answer to that question my friends is simply this: crappy drivers.

 

Just because you can spell the word “car” doesn’t mean should drive one. For example. If you consistently drive in the left lane a minimum of 10km below the posted speed limit, whilst seemingly sharing recipes with the driver keeping pace with you in the right lane. You should both immediately pull over, put your vehicles in park and burn your drivers license and or your cars. Now of course there is no law requiring to do so…but it is fair to say that driving is ‘not’ your thing. It’s ok, no one will judge for accepting this simple truth about yourself.

 

Animals have zero difficulty accepting what they are and aren’t capable of. Case in point, you will probably never see cats teaching quantum physics or sharks climbing Mount Everest. I say probably, because I am also not a zoologist and I would be remiss in speculating on the possibility of either one of these things occurring at some later date. However as of this minute it would appear it is still well beyond their current evolutionary purview.

 
So, if genetically speaking, we are all predestined to live within our own evolutionary constraints; why do so many people fight against it with every fathom of their being. It’s okay not to be awesome at everything. It’s okay to not to be much good at most things….I am in fact the living breathing testament to that statement. That being said, if you are this driver or you know this driver …do mankind a favour, stop trying to do what your not good at….and maybe just call a cab.

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My social indictment of the selfie   24 comments

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What the selfie is happening to us humans? If I see one more teenage girl using her phone to take a picture of herself wearing a surprised duck face I am going to be forced to make a citizens arrest.

I could you know. It’s a thing… I looked it up….

The criminal code of Canada allows for a citizen to detain and charge an individual who has performed an indecent act. Now I realize I may be taking some liberties in my interpretation of the law, but I have watched the entire series of Ally Mcbeal and Boston Legal on Netflix so I feel pretty confident that I could make a very strong case.

I would further argue that the selfie stick should be registered and included in the list of prohibitive and restricted weapons. With all these crazy narcissists waving them about in public, it is only a matter of time before they impale some innocent bystander and or somebody loses an eye.

You know the old saying “it’s all fun and games until somebody’s on their way to the emergency room.”
I’m not saying they should do time in a maximum security facility but I would definitely advocate some jail time in that prison I’ve seen on the show Orange is the new black. Try taking a good selfie with a disposable one shot camera wearing a shapeless prison jumpsuit and posting it to Facebook. I dare you.

Sometimes I close my eyes and remember a quieter gentler time, when people had the good sense to resist the urge to capture every inane moment and faked facial expression that occurred in their lives. I’m reminded of the days of old when taking pictures was reserved for special occasions like birthdays, weddings, funerals, gathering evidence for a criminal investigation or to leverage a better settlement in a divorce. Those were kinder gentler times.

To those of you out there who are guilty of this non crime…..be warned. Life has funny way of self correcting, and if you insist on taking your picture posing like you just had your lips sucked up in vacuum you run the real risk of capturing the enduring image …..of an idiot.
Sent from my iPad

Posted January 14, 2016 by janyceresh in canada, family, Funny, Humour, ipads, iphones, Uncategorized

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