Archive for November 2014

Pass the brain drano…please   18 comments

image I need brain Drano..I don’t know if there is such a thing but if there is I am going need to get some ASAP. Price is no object. Although it would be great if the potential side effects of the product did not list potential death and or rectal bleeding. Not necessarily going to be a deal breaker, but it would nice not to have the worry.

I am distracted and discombobulated all at the same time. I love that word. It’s just as much fun to write as it is to say. It reminds me of Mary Poppins and that song “Supercalifragilistic”; now that was a great movie. I’m going to see if I can get it on Netflix. That reminds me, I have to get some pictures printed from our Disney trip. Note to self; find memory stick.

See what just happened there? I can’t even focus my attention long enough to finish a thoug* ( ironic typo.) Who am I kidding with that ‘note to self’ comment? Lately my brain is like an etch-a -sketch every time I shake my head the last thought I had fades to grey. I never really embraced the etch-a-sketch as a child although I was fascinated by what Will Farrell drew with it in that movie Elf. I think I watch too much TV. Excuse me I have to go flip the laundry. I’ll be back in a minute. Although it’s just as likely I won’t. How will you even know? I could have started this last April and am just now returning; not obviously from doing the laundry but from doing other stuff.

Maybe that’s my problem. There is just way too much stuff to do all the time and my brain is now refusing to think new thoughts or even finish current ones. Maybe my brain is on strike? Although you’d think it would at least give me a set of demands if that were the case. Obviously its union rep is just going through the motions.

Brains are absolutely amazing though, aren’t they? No I’m not just sucking up to my brain in order to regain its cooperation. It’s true. Here are some fun brain facts.

Did you know you can’t tickle yourself because your brain can detect the difference between an unexpected external touch and your own?

The average brain thinks about 70,000 thoughts a day. No wonder mine is confused – I had no idea I was working it that hard. I am blonde though, so it’s entirely possible that number is a wee bit exaggerated.

Laughing at a joke is no small task either. It requires activity in five different parts of the brain. So if at any point while reading this, you had a giggle, you can knock five minutes off your workout. I’ll write you a note. You’re welcome.

Do you know approximately 4% of adults live with ADD and many others have never been diagnosed? You do now.

You know, I just realized something. I thought (one down 69,999 to go) maybe I was not going to have anything to write about this week. I was so distracted I couldn’t find the funny. Then just like a reprieve at the eleventh hour my brain checked back in long enough to finish my column. Let’s hope I didn’t have to give up anything too important in the strike settlement. It would be really awful if I forgot to remember to do something important like the laundry.

Posted November 26, 2014 by janyceresh in Humour

Tagged with , , , ,

Learn and live   6 comments

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We humans are rather intriguing bundles of DNA aren’t we? I was thinking that thought just now. For the record I think on most days, except on Tuesdays between 8-9 PM for reasons which I will not disclose. How is it that we have managed to survive so long on this big blue marble of a planet without becoming extinct? I ask myself the hard questions sometimes and then I need to take a nap because it makes me sleepy.

But seriously, I’ve seen some people, and I’m not trying to be rude or disparaging in anyway, but there are those among us that probably should not be walking around unsupervised. I think we’ve all seen enough reality TV in the past few years that proves, with absolute certainty, that the laws of natural selection have become a wee bit lackadaisical. How do some of these people make it through the day without medical attention? Divine intervention?

I think it must be a combination of pure dumb luck and lawyers that has kept some of our brethren from dropping out of the gene pool. Instinct alone used to be enough but apparently some of us can’t rely solely on common sense anymore so we now employ people to think the big thoughts for us.

Who doesn’t remember the woman who sued McDonald’s for her coffee being too hot….and won? That, for me, was the beginning of the end of my hope for humanity. I can only imagine the shock and horror she must have felt when she made the connection that the white mist emanating from her cup was not the ghost of her dead cousin Marg.

I once saw a sign on a washing machine saying please do not use while person is inside? Now that’s just good information isn’t it? I’m sure there was somebody at least once who thought, “Hmmm …I need a bath and my clothes need a bath let’s kill two birds with one stone and call it a day.”

There is also a helpful warning sign on hair dryers to not use in the shower. Really? Is this completely necessary? I can only imagine what is going throughout that brain trusts mind (right before the obvious electrical current). “Why my hairs no dry? I be standing under all this water and it’s still be wet. This be broken?”

Don’t get me wrong I’m all for red lights, seat belts and the labeling of hazardous materials. It’s important to provide this kind of information so that we can anticipate potential threats to our person. I just think that our approach to sharing some of the more obvious dangers might be beyond the comprehension of their intended audience.

Perhaps dangerous products should come with video tutorials and worst case scenario simulations or maybe we should all just watch that show Jackass? Those guys could potentially inspire us all to some new evolutionary lows. Anyway it was just a thought I was thinking as I was using a fork to get my waffle un-stuck from the toaster this morning…note to self “next time unplug toaster first.” See how easy that was? Learn and live.

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