Have you ever opened your mouth and had words spill out that made you literally pause and question does that really require speech?

I can say with complete honesty that with the exception of the one day last spring when I got laryngitis I say things like that every day. The kind of things that for all intents and purposes should never require thought let alone conversation. I have often fantasized that I descended from royalty but never imagined living a life that required me to be queen of the obvious.

Put your hand up if you think this rant has something to do with my kids. Ok put your hand down. People are staring.

This is my reality. I feel as though I am constantly being punked by small people so much so, that I have been known to check for cameras and tiny microphones in and around my home. Ok maybe I’m being paranoid but there are days that I live,that would make for a great “How Not To ( fill in the blank) “video.

So let me paint you a picture of a day in the life. It’s a perfect summer day. The sun is shining and the smell of fresh cut grass means someone has found the lawn mower and probably some other stuff we keep hidden underneath the grass between mowings. I have just arrived home to hear the pleasant sounds of children’s laughter emanating from our backyard. I am drawn toward their revelry and joy because my day has been chaotic and stressful.

So I throw down my briefcase and kick off my shoes and find my way to back door to join in the fun. But as I approach the yard I see something that makes no sense. It’s one of those moments where your eye and brain appear to pulling a fast one on you…aka a mirage moment.

There in the middle of our yard is our trampoline with 2 children playing on it……and 2 children playing “in” it. Yes, I did say in it.

You see one of my little boys thought it would be fun to slice a hole in the trampoline ….and?….well I think that’s where his idea lost a little momentum because upon interrogating ( I mean questioning of course…) him he was unable to explain the logic of it all.

I found myself saying things that started with and ended with ” I have no words” and for a writer who can rant about just about anything that is saying something.

And then I said “but why would you cut a hole in the trampoline?” so many times that I actually considered making it my new meditation mantra.

There have been many times before and since that incident that I have stopped myself in mid sentence and thought ” did I really just say that out loud? Did something just occur in my life that required me to put those particular words together and form that sentence? Where did the logic go and can it be located on a map so that I might go and live there once again?

I used to have a life where common sense was well common. And then a miracle happened well 4 to be exact. My wonderful children. They are my reason for living and sometimes the reason for a quick trip to the pharmacy to pick up my meds.









16 responses to “DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

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  1. My constant refrain was “What ever possesed you to _____________ (fill in the blank with any number of things). Good luck!

  2. I can answer the why he did it! “Seemed like a good idea at the time”. To this day I still say that! And frequently my wife shakes her head and walks away?.

  3. Argh!

  4. How do you do it each day? I raised one child who did his best to drive me insane. Do you have a standing reservation at the closest facility for the mentally unstable?

  5. Speaking our minds can really be like an out of body exercise at times, or possibly a sign of demonic possession, because there is no way in the world that precise combination and ordering of words could possibly have left our lips.

    About a year ago, I posted an oops story called “I said that out loud, didn’t I?” http://createdbyrcw.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/i-said-that-out-loud-didnt-i/

    I look forward to perusing the rest of your blog and your future posts…Randy

  6. Fun blog you’ve got here. Thanks for stopping by mine. Peace, John

  7. You just made me remember a nightmare I had that a trampoline happened in our family. Better you than me. Also, I cannot count the times that I have asked someone whether I had told them something out loud. It’s usually about a fifty/fifty chance.

  8. Your writing is quite funny!

  9. Your son is a kindred spirit to me! I feel so relieved, after all these years, to know I wasn’t the only illogical kid in the world who would cut a hole in a trampoline! Until I read this I had suppressed this memory in shame. I can’t recall how old I was. We had a trampoline when they were still rare in backyards and all the kids came down to our place to jump on it. I liked to spend alone time on it too, and having an overactive imagination I would create whole worlds and stories with me in them. I could be bounced around on a pirate ship on the high seas, fall off a cliff, ski down a slope… anything. This one day I decided a good idea would be to “play” with a Japanese ceremonial sword my dad thought it was a good idea to buy once and give to my brother for “safe-keeping”. My dad was like that.
    I’m not sure what game I was playing with that sword… probably some samurai thing inspired by tv… and at the climax of the big fight I stabbed my foe through and through…. many times through I think. A sword blade pierces the fabric of a trampoline quite satisfactorily (ask your son). And it barely left a visible slice… well the first stab didn’t. By the time it had been stabbed a few more times there was a noticeable rip in the fabric. And only THEN did my brain say “Oops. Maybe that wasn’t too smart.” But, still, I figured it would be ok. That somehow the hole would magically repair itself.
    The actual repair was carried out by removal of the material so it could be sent to the factory to be patched up. No one could use the trampoline for a month at least. When the tarp came back it had crude stitches in it and was never the same.
    My parents, my siblings, all the kids in the neighbourhood… they all asked me the same question – “Why would you slice the trampoline?” And my answer was the same as your son’s. I dunno. I.. .just did.
    So just know that your child isn’t weird or anything. He has a kindred spirit in me… oh… wait… that does make him weird. Oh well, hopefully he will turn out ok. Good luck! 😛

  10. My favorites include “Have you been feeding your brother SAND?” and “At what point did you think it was okay to carve your name on the roof of my TRUCK?”

    I have boys, too.

  11. “And then I said “but why would you cut a hole in the trampoline?” so many times that I actually considered making it my new meditation mantra.”

    I laughed so hard at this, my sixteen year old came jogging upstairs to ask me if I was okay. I could cry just as violently and she wouldn’t move a muscle. The moral of this stupid anecdote is that it takes a lot to get me to laugh like that – – but your writing does it for me. Thank you!

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