My Mommy Evolution   17 comments

If I’m feeling lazy and decide to do nothing today will my house burn down? Will my children starve? Will news of my inertia make the nightly news? Probably not. With the exception of a potential house fire, which of course would make me snap to attention, rally the troops and channel my inner rescue ranger. But if there was no fire. If the children could locate the place where we keep the food….I’d leave out bread crumbs…cause obviously I wouldn’t be cleaning my house either. If I closed the blinds to nosey lookie loos who might be all judgey. Would I be able to take a day off?

Probably not.

But why not? you ask…(unless you are a parent and then you just inherently understand the ridiculousness of the quest.) You can all stop laughing now.

For the rest of you…The answer is simple. It is impossible for me to stop. Since I gave birth to my 4 wonderful little gene pool compilations I’ve been genetically re coded to mommy mode.

I remember days where I relished in quiet calm meditation. Where the loudest thing in the room was the sound of my own breath. Now when my house is quiet….I quite literally panic. What are they up to? What did they break, spill, tear or destroy? Why are there no sounds of little feet fleeing the screech of another’s fury? What are they up to? Or worse yet….what are they planning?

So now silence is the enemy. It is to be feared not fathomed.

Nothing sends me into mommy mode faster than the quiet. Not that it’s ever really quiet where I live, we even sleep loud. ( *See previous post). So you can see why a noiseless house would cause me no end of trepidation. It’s not normal and things that are not normal are generally not relaxing.

You might think me paranoid. That I have an unreasonable fear of letting go and letting god. So let me share some fun facts that have happened in our house when all seemed quiet on the western front.

I once left a green permanent marker unattended on my kitchen counter and went to answer the phone. When I returned 5 minutes later my 3 year old son had demonstrated his artistic talents all over my oak cupboards.

Another time I left an empty coffee mug next to my laptop computer and went downstairs to put some clothes in the dryer. When I came back upstairs one of precious offspring had filled the mug with water from the fridge and poured it all over the keyboard. That was a fun day!

And I could go on. And on. And on, because for awhile there I was a pretty slow learner.

It didn’t break me though….it made me stronger smarter faster. It gave me super powers. I have bionic hearing and spidey senses that tingle when things are amiss. I am Santa. I know when they are sleeping and when they are awake. They cannot tell a lie because I have convinced them I can see a purple dot on their forehead when they do. Only mommies and daddy’s can see the dot. It’s magic. They sometimes hold their hands on their head when sharing a “truth” which as any good poker player knows is an obvious “tell”.

My life as a mother has made me believe in evolution. I have had to constantly adapt to my circumstances, learn from my mistakes, anticipate potential threats, and practice my game face. I have stared boldly into a 6 year olds face while he explained to me how he had nothing to do with the fact that the cat no longer had any whiskers. Did I blink? No. Did I show emotion? I’m no amateur. Did I wait patiently and silently until he broke down and admitted he had given Cocoa a haircut. You bet I did.

But all this skill and aptitude came at a price. Lazy pyjama days curled up with a good book are no longer an option. I used to think it would get easier when they got older. It doesn’t. It just gets different. My daughter recently got her drivers license so now if she’s out with the car I spend my down time flinching every time the phone rings or someone knocks on the door. Sure I’m paranoid, I’m a parent who loves my children.

I gotta go. I just heard a crash followed by a “I’m telling”. Good times!






Posted December 29, 2013 by janyceresh in Uncategorized

17 responses to “My Mommy Evolution

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  1. Wonderful and so true!! Was thinking of this just the other day but hope to one day be able to portray my thoughts as eloquently as you! Fabulous blog 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on Reality Slapped Mother of 4.

  3. ‘I am Santa’ – love it !

  4. I don’t know how you can handle 4 kids. More than 2 and they outnumber the adults!

  5. I know the feeling! Thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂

    Rachel's Ramblings
  6. Blah!! The purple dot!! I am in tears with laughter!! Thanks for that 🙂

  7. Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back!

    P.S. I would have left you a LIKE on six posts but LIKE buttons are not working for me on blogs with a URL that ends with……..:(

  8. Just stopping by. Thanks for following.

  9. “Good times!” — Classic! 🙂

  10. I totally agree!!! Thanks for sharing. It’s good to know my mommy mode is totally normal

  11. Spot on!

  12. Love it! So, so true. I am definitely gonna try that “purple dot” thing. 🙂

  13. Purple dot on the forehead, priceless! 🙂

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