I’d like to report a crime

 

 

Somebody call 911!  I’ve been robbed of an hour of my life, and I want it back!  Apparently, a thief slipped into my house last Saturday night while I slumbered and took it upon itself to steal my time.  At first, I thought the batteries in my clock been removed to power an Xbox remote. In our home, good batteries are almost as rare as unicorns and full jugs of milk.  Upon closer inspection though, I noticed that the hands on the clock were still moving but did not reflect the same time as my other devices.

 

This was shaping up to be a real Scooby Doo mystery, and I was becoming increasing perplexed.  I decided to turn on CNN and see what it said because everyone knows television doesn’t lie.  My mouth fell open in shock as the heinous truth was revealed to me.  It was one hour later than it should have been.  I often think I’m on borrowed time and for someone to just walk right into my life and help themselves to 60 whole minutes ….well suffice it to say it was a devastating blow.

 

This isn’t the first time he’s attacked, and apparently I am not his only victim. I find this act of treachery unconscionable. Time is precious to humans. We never have enough hours in a day as it is and to have one arbitrarily cease to exist is completely unacceptable.

 

There is no telling what I could have done with that hour, what I could have accomplished.  I might have solved the mysteries of the universe or at the very least figured out the Caramilk secret.  It was definitely the hour I planned to go to the gym, and now I’ve lost the momentum. Thanks to him I will be shame spiraling at the beach all summer.  

 

I’ve been running late all week thanks to this criminal.  I could have received a speeding ticket trying to make up for lost time.  And try explaining that to a police officer, I dare you.

 

“I’m sorry officer. I left my house at 2 am and somehow a mere 60 seconds later it was 3am.  Is this a radar trap or a worm hole through time? “

 

At best you’re going to receive a sobriety test and at worst be held on 72-hour psyche evaluation.  This thief could potentially have you serving time for a crime that he himself committed.  Diabolical that’s what he is…

 

 

The sad reality is we know who he is and when he strikes, but the authorities are powerless to stop him. He goes by the name Daylight Savings Time, and his crimes go back almost a hundred years.

 

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24 thoughts on “I’d like to report a crime

  1. I can’t tell you how much I relate and more importantly how I love your approach to this topic! Very creative! Well, rather a victim than a perpetrator, I always say. I can’t tell you how much time I KILL, waiting for the kids to come into my carpool after school! Even so, time marches on…

  2. Rumor has it that this diabolical culprit will repent for his treachery sometime in early November and return to those of us upon which he perpetrated this crime the hour he stole from us this past weekend. When he does, be sure to put it to good use.

  3. OK I’m on the outside of this one. It’s time for confession. I like DST, There I said it “I like DST” I always start to feel as though I am wasting the day when the sun get’s up early;’ shouldn’t I at least join him/her for breakfast? I never feel as though I am getting up an hour early, I’ve been waking up at his time anyway – it’s almost as though my body has been programmed for this event.
    Actually, now I am getting anxious. Maybe my body and mind HAVE been programmed for this government initiated event. Maybe they aren’t just tapping my phones and reading my emails and, goodness knows why, checking out my Facebook, but maybe they are actually using these technologies to change my sleeping habits.

    It was George W who established the current dates for DST and standard time, and I’m not even an American, although I think Steven Harper would like me to become one. But that’s another anxiety.
    Oh boy, and I was so enjoying this time…turning off the computer right now!

  4. Hey, but I think it’s so sweet of his twin to try to make it up to us, when he finds out about the misdeeds done by that miscreant brother…I really appreciate the gesture of getting the hour back, even if the good twin is running 6 months behind trying to get it to me…;) At least HIS heart is in the right place, unlike the OTHER’s

  5. I have never had time stolen from me, but I have misplaced a lot of it. My boss, my wife, my kids, all wonder what I do with my time and frankly, I am not at all certain myself. A great deal of it gets lost and some of it – just drifts away.

  6. Although losing the hour last Sunday was a shocker, I do like Day Light Savings Time better than regular time. I can wake up in the dark without any problems. Staying awake after the sun goes down can sometimes be quite difficult. In the long run, I do feel like I’ve gained favorable awake time when the clocks are forwarded to the next hour every year.

  7. That was a great explanation for what happens in a speed trap when the time changes.

    Thank you for helping me to transform my annoyance to laughter. I hate DST! I want noon to be when the sun is at its highest point in the sky, in the middle of the day, and I want midnight to be the middle of the night. I need the sun to help me wake up in the morning, and I need the darkness to help me go to sleep at night. Up here, in the north, our midsummer days last until 9:00 or so, which is a bit late for me to start winding down from a busy day.

    I hope that thief can be apprehended and stopped!

  8. Love it!
    I always promise myself I won’t book anything important for the day when we get deprived of an hour. But always manage to book a flight or enter a race, then I go into full panic/anxiety attack, I don’t trust any clock or watch at home, not even the internet, I get restless. This year isn’t any different, I entered a race, now I’m bumping my head.

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