It has come to my attention that while watching Olympic hockey some Canadians have quite literally lost their minds. We as a nation are proud of 3 things the first thing is hockey and the other 2 are….well other stuff..
Sadly, a lot of us are probably genetically predisposed to so called hockey fever. However there are times like these when something almost primal takes over and we take our passion to a whole other level of crazy.
And as I believe an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…..here are a few warning signs that may indicate that you too might need a 2 minute time out in life’s penalty box.
1. You refuse to wear anything but your teams colours on game day which normally is just patriotic but maybe not so much when it only includes body paint and hair dye.
2. You prefer to be home alone while watching the game because your so called friends have a habit of saying things like:
“Calm down it’s only a game.”
or my personal favourite:
“Are you going to pay for my TV …..cause you just put my kids Xbox through It?”
3. You tend to have conversations/ arguments with the referees that may or not be construed as threats against their person. This may happen pre or post game and usually only if you can sweet talk/bribe your phone company into giving you their home numbers. I’m not saying I’ve done it…but I’m not saying I haven’t..
4. Sometimes you forget to breathe for such a long period that you feel light headed and disorientated. A simple solution is to wear an apnea monitor which will alarm in case of a prolonged absence of breath.
5. During the game you turn off and tune out anything that could become a distraction. I might have once heard a fire alarm and smelled smoke in my building during a playoff game but I can’t be certain….the good news was that we won the game and apparently the fire was contained and on another floor.
6. You scream at your television set using language that would make a porn star blush.
7. Your doctor has recommended adjusting your blood pressure medication and having you continuously monitored for signs of acute angina during the game.
8. You stop drinking liquids 24 hours pre game as to not be conflicted by a call of nature during what might be a pivotal play.
****If you skip this step…and you know who you are…you will more than likely be the proud owner of a port a potty. ( one more reason why watching games with others is not desirable)
9. You are by nature a pacifist but 3 minutes into the first period you are encouraging your team to commit acts that in every day life would have them serving 5 to ten years for attempted manslaughter.
10. And finally ….you know you have a problem when your neighbours have circulated a formal petition to have you sedated and your cable turned off prior to face off tomorrow morning.
If any of these things are affecting you or someone you love, take heart we are a mere 24 hours away from go time…..or as I like to call it gold time. And by this time tomorrow we will be back to our normal polite non confrontational Canadian ways. That is until the NHL play offs begin in April.